We are always… potential criminals

Since it is universally believed that man is merely what his consciousness knows of itself, he regards himself as harmless and so adds stupidity to iniquity. He does not deny that terrible things have happened and still go on happening, but it is always “the others” who do them. And when such deeds belong to the recent or remote past, they quickly and conveniently sink into the sea of forgetfulness, and that state of chronic wooly-mindedness returns which we describe as “normality”. In shocking contrast to this is the fact that nothing has finally disappeared and nothing has been made good. The evil, the guilt, the profound unease of conscience, the dark foreboding, are there before eyes, if only we would see. Man has done these things; I am a man, who has his share of human nature; therefore I am guilty with the rest and bear unaltered and indelibly within me the capacity and the inclination to do them again at anytime. Even if, juristically speaking, we were not accessories to the crime, we are always, thanks to our human nature, potential criminals.

• Pg. 52, The Undiscovered Self – C.G. Jung, 9-780691-150512

Importance of social support

Having people on whom we can rely and who let us know that they care about, value, and love us helps us cope with stress. Researchers have found that social support is indeed a buffer against many illnesses, ranging from peptic ulcer to heart disease. Having more social support is also related to psychological well-being and a lower probability of mental illness. Studies of social networks have shown that those with a larger network friends and family members are less likely to experience psychological distress, particularly depression.

… These findings are not just related to the fact that depressed people tend to isolate themselves once they become depressed. In fact, research has found that having fewer close friends, a smaller social network, and less supportive relationships usually predates the first depressive episode. The results of these studies are striking. For example, people who report low levels of social support are thirteen times more likely to go on to suffer from a major depression in their lifetimes, and women who lack a confiding relationship with an intimate are three times more likely to become depressed when faced with a stressful life event.

• pg. 153, When Someone You Love Is Depressed – Laura Rosen & Xavier Amador, ISBN 978-0-684-83407-8

Intellect vs. Feeling

Nature, as we know, is not so lavish with her boons that she joins to a high intelligence the gifts of the heart also. As a rule, where one is present the other is missing, and where one capacity is present in perfection it is generally at the cost of all others. The discrepancy between intellect and feeling, which get in each other’s way at the best of times, is a particularly painful chapter in the history of the human psyche.

• Pg. 51, The Undiscovered Self – C.G. Jung, 9-780691-150512

Contagious Depression

Another dilemma of helping is related to the idea of contagious depression – that being around a depressed person can increase the likelihood of being depressed oneself. The theory is that the negative outlook, self-devaluation, and low energy level of the depressed person have a strong impact on our own worldviews. Depression becomes particularly contagious when the depressed person rejects your offers of support. If you are continually trying to help the depressed person feel better and she is repeatedly turning away your help, you are likely to feel ineffective, frustrated, and sad. In other words, you may begin to feel depressed. We have seen numerous family members of depressed people who report feeling “burned out”, “blue”, or “down in the dumps” when they are not able to alleviate the depression. In fact, a large impetus for writing this book was to help family members inoculate themselves against their loved one’s depression. Learning to help your loved one while simultaneously not falling prey to depression is a dilemma of helping a depressed person.

• pg. 152, When Someone You Love Is Depressed – Laura Rosen & Xavier Amador, ISBN 978-0-684-83407-8

Denigration of the subconcious

The unconscious, if not regarded outright as a sort of refuse bin underneath the conscious mind, is at any rate supposed to be of “merely animal nature”. In reality, however, and by definition it is of uncertain extent and constitution, so that overvaluation and undervaluation of it is pointless and can be dismissed as mere prejudice.

• Pg. 50, The Undiscovered Self – C.G. Jung, 9-780691-150512

The depressed seek help indirectly

The tendency of depressed people to seek help indirectly and reject offered support can be very hard on the people close to them. How do you cope with your support being rejected? How do you know when you should continue to give support and when to back off? And how do you know what is helpful and what is harmful to the depressed person?

If you continually offer support and it is repeatedly rejected, you will probably feel angry, hostile, and resentful – and helpless, frustrated, and worried. You may even feel like never offering help in the future. Most likely, you will feel a combination of all these feelings. As the pattern of trying to help and having your help rejected is repeated, you will probably feel unable to help the depressed person in any meaningful way.

• pg. 151, When Someone You Love Is Depressed – Laura Rosen & Xavier Amador, ISBN 978-0-684-83407-8

Religion and Reality

That religious experiences exist no longer needs proof. But it will always remain doubtful whether what metaphysics and theology call God and the gods is the real ground of these experiences.

• Pg. 49, The Undiscovered Self – C.G. Jung, 9-780691-150512

The hopelessness and pessimism associated with depression

Family members and friends often find that one of the hardest parts of being close to a depressed person is that nothing seems to help. In our practices, we have heard time and time again from family members who complain that the depressed person turns away all offers of support, both advice and emotional reassurance. Given the depressed person’s experience of feeling bad, relatives are perplexed that the depressed person rejects support that might help her feel better.

Research has shown that depressed people do reject support more often and more consistently than nondepressed people. They are more likely to tell someone close to them that their advice will not help or that the other person does not understand what they are going through. In contrast, nondepressed individuals are more likely to tell someone close to them that they are grateful for the person’s emotional support. There seems to be something inherent in being depressed that leads people to turn away help, yet the research does not suggest that depressed people do not want help. In fact, the evidence is strong that depressed people seek help more frequently than nondepressed people.

Research has shown that depressed individuals are more likely to engage in indirect support seeking, such as withdrawing, sulking, or picking a fight with their partner in order to get support. In contrast, nondepressed individuals are more likely to engage in direct support seeking, such as telling their partner that they need help with something specific or asking their partners opinion about a particular thing.

A second explanation for why depressed people turn away help is that they experience others attempts to help as intrusive and useless because of cognitive distortions. Recall that one of the symptoms of depression is the tendency to interpret things negatively. As a result, the depressed person may be pessimistic and believe that her problems are all too encompassing to be helped by anyone. She thinks that nothing can alleviate her distress, so why bother listening to someone else’s advice? The hopelessness and pessimism associated with depression make seeking support from others seem futile. Many depressed people have told us that they appreciate the support from their friends or family but believe that it’s not going to help them feel better. They are locked into thinking that nothing will help.

• pg. 148, When Someone You Love Is Depressed – Laura Rosen & Xavier Amador, ISBN 978-0-684-83407-8

Tendency of depressed people

By working together, you and your loved one can leave room for both of your needs to be met. However, one of the pitfalls common to teamwork with a depressed person is the tendency of depressed people to turn away help. This does not mean they do not want their needs met. Rather, you must learn to give them what they need in a way in which they can accept it.

• pg. 146, When Someone You Love Is Depressed – Laura Rosen & Xavier Amador, ISBN 978-0-684-83407-8

The subconcious is not a deity

This is certainly not to say that what we call the unconscious is identical with God or is set up in his place. It is simply the medium from which religious experience seems to flow. As to what the further cause of such experience may be, the answer to this lies beyond the range of human knowledge. Knowledge of God is a transcendental problem.

• Pg. 49, The Undiscovered Self – C.G. Jung, 9-780691-150512