In times of hurt and heartache, one wonders “what is love for?” We don’t think to keep on loving people; we think to say “to hell with everybody else, I’m doing me.” In our times of hurt we want others to hurt just as bad as we hurt and worse still. In our times of hurt we wonder “what on earth am I here for?” In our times of hurt we think of those who passed and wish we could’ve been the “fortunate one” to be in the grave.
It can feel like we’ve heard all the excuses in the book to maintain hope and keep pressing on; to keep believing in the idea of “one for me”; a wife; a lover. But yet and still supposedly God says in Genesis 2:18 (NIV) that it’s “not good for man to be alone” Yet when you love others and go through life together with an affectionate romantic love or even the platonic love of friends, once the relationship is broken or separated by some “big deal” it creates a big hurdle to overcome. Proverbs 18:14 (NIV) says “The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness, But who can bear a broken spirit?”
Now I will say that I don’t personally think any one thing should break your spirit, your spirit should be much more resilient than that. I believe that is one reason why a lot of people suggest fragmenting or compartmentalizing your view. When you only think of one memory at a time, then you can say each of them is isolated, but that’s the same with scripture. If you take one sentence in 1st Corinthians 11:5 (NIV) and read your own desires into it, you create a rule that says God doesn’t want women to have short hair. When you read it in context, it’s a symbol of submission that people at that time knew and typically followed.
I’ve noticed that looking at the big picture is a very tough view to press through. That is one reason I believe people say also, that you have to simply focus on the positive. Even Solomon said in Proverbs 19:11 (NIV) that it is a great thing to overlook offenses, but it’s hard as hell to do that sometimes. What offense is worse than feeling and seeing that most of your life is not turning out the way you have been striving for?
Jesus seeks to give us hope in Luke 6:20-26 (NIV) by saying things like “Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh” as well as “woe to you who are rich, for you have already received your comfort.” I know one thing I’ve been thinking of, through it all, is that I can’t say I’ve ever felt comforted by God, even when people have prayed for it. Now I’m not saying that God doesn’t comfort people but he doesn’t seem to comfort me, but we have to remember God has individual relationships with us, so the comfort thing can be debated and I will never say he doesn’t comfort, because I know people who he has comforted. Ultimately it is only God who gives hope that lasts; I have gotten optimism from other things but that optimism has not lasted.
Jesus said blessed are we because we weep. Sometimes I wanna be a worker at the hospital doing exit surveys; asking people questions on their beliefs and how they feel it fulfilled its purpose now that they are at the end of their life. I don’t know if that survey would yield overwhelmingly positive results. Point being, even at 11 years old when I said I’m gonna live my life somewhat opposite and “cry now, laugh later” I realized “tomorrow is not promised” and that I could potentially “cry and die”. So far “crying and dying” is still a possibility, that’s why I understand the logic of people living the “laugh now, cry later” mentality. At least you think you have the possibility of bypassing the consequences and suffering because of your actions.
In a previous blog I touched on my theory about men becoming dogs because of getting their hearts hurt by women. But as me and a friend were speaking of recently, we have to remember that our choices do not just affect us. Your bad girl/boy routine, your playa/playette mentality, your failed marriages, all of these things effect the two of you involved, and any children either of you have and come in contact with, as well as your friends that you share the info with, and people they come in contact with. While we may not be immortal, our actions create change that not only lasts, but far exceeds what we ever would’ve imagined.
The answer is not to give up on love although it’s tempting, but as with everything in your anger do not sin as it says in Psalms 4:4 (NIV). That is pretty much a rule for life in general and probably one of the toughest and longest running battles of my life. Each of us leaves a legacy of sorts; yours can be unwittingly bad; make things worse for everyone; take away some of the reasons people seek to live. If you so choose, your legacy can be a light of sorts; an encouragement; someone who assists others through their struggle in life.
Life is hard, love is hardest, but what else is worth it?